Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Why today, why now?
As the rain patters on the windows and I close my yawning mouth, I am wondering why today has been so great, there were times today that I felt all alone, that the pain and the pressure of being "old" is wearing on me. That fact that I am not married and not close to being married (this all in a culture that preaches marriage and family), yet so want to be married and have a family. It is this thought that has tears streaming down my face. I know I need to be patient, but how long is that going to be? I feel like the kid in the back of the car who keeps asking how much longer, are we there yet? How many more minutes until we reach our destination. How many more minutes of crying and weeping must I endure. Then I started thinking about what has been all over the news lately, and more and more I realize that I might just be seeing the Savior come, and am I ready? Am I prepared? Am I worthy? So many questions so little time....
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How did I miss your updates? So. I am sorry you are sad. But, remember you are doing so much good for so many people...including me. Sorry I cried to you the other day on the phone. I didn't mean to burden you.
ReplyDeleteI am not down playing marriage. I know it is what we are supposed to do and I know it is your sincere desire, but then on the other hand I also realize that while you wait you can do some pretty amazing things that you couldn't do once a family came. You have the time and the energy to focus on others that really need you. That is a great gift and opportunity.
Things will work out. You know that, but it is still hard to wait, I know.
Love you tons!