Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Just Keep on Going

This winter has been terrible so far.  My arthritis has gotten worse and we are now considering a "chemo" drug to see if it helps.  I finally and back to walking like a normal person, the last 4 weeks have been extremely painful and challenging mentally to keep things in perspective.  It is easy to forget how blessed I am and get lost in the self pity and loneliness that feels like it can be consuming.  I need to take a good look around and realize how much I have been given and how much more I need to give back.  I find myself sad and depressed and lashing out at my family, something I try not to do, but sometimes feel is the only option.  I am trying to come up with some New Year resolutions and I am struggling to see anything positive that is up coming.  Even my birthday was hard, not sure what this is all about, but I am determined to get over myself and keep moving forward.  I have come to a realization that my Iaido is done and over with, my Dr keeps telling me if I want to be walking in 5 years I will do what he tells me.  I will, I just don't know how to overcome the hole that has been created.  Earlier this week I was actually feeling much better, but I am not getting pain and stiffness in my neck and Oh My Heck, I really have been doing everything right, not sure why I keep getting knocked down.  My saving graces right now are my weekly temple attendance (it makes me laugh the the ladies know who I am now), and my young women's calling.  The girls continue to inspire and uplift me at every turn.  Well I best stop whining now and get off my butt and do something.  Keep smiling, I am going to try!