I am Thankful for........2

I am thankful for the Temple today.  I serve there about every Wednesday morning for 6-7 hrs and my life has been richly blessed because of it.  I have found renewed energy, love, compassion, strength, faith, spirit, promise, counsel, and inspiration there.  When I am at my lowest, it always lifts me, makes me feel like there is a real reason to keep living, a real reason to get up in the morning, a real reason to have faith, that those things that have been promised to me will happen.  I don't know how to long I could have held on without this blessing in my life! 

I am Thankful for.......1

So I missed yesterday but I am Thankful for so many things I can't miss out on doing this again this year.

So day one I am thankful for my life, my circumstance, everything that I have on my plate I am thankful for.  It is building me into someone that can survive anything.  I keep reading my blessing and realizing how much harder my life can get.  How can I affect all mankind???  I am thankful for me, my life, my experience that is going on right now, everyday until it is over.  Some days it sucks, some days it is such a blessing.  I find it crazy to say that but so true in moments that I feel "tender mercies" from the Lord. 

Bummer

So I just got home from the Dr's and bummer of news.  My new medicine is controlling my symptoms but not my body.  So my most recent labs showed that my inflammation marker is back up.  So Dr wants me to consider changing meds.  Bummer because the new med is done through IV infusion that take about 3 hours.  It is more expensive etc.....  Bummer Bummer Bummer  Now I have to try to make another impossible decision and do what I think is right.  Time to get out the old knee pads, I am sure I will be on my knees a lot trying to make this decision.  Bummer Bummer Bummer

09/11/01.......09/11/11

As this momentous occasion has slowly come, and I have remembered back to that fateful day, my heart is full and breaking for all of those who lost loved ones 10 years ago.  A couple of my friends lost friends that day and it makes the anniversary even that much harder.  I would like to reflect just for a moment some of the significant quotes from that day and about that day:

Terrorism against our nation will not stand.”


- George W. Bush – Remarks at Emma Booker Elementary School. Sarasota, Florida – delivered 11 September 2001, 9:30 A.M. EDT


“Time is passing. Yet, for the United States of America, there will be no forgetting September the 11th. We will remember every rescuer who died in honor. We will remember every family that lives in grief. We will remember the fire and ash, the last phone calls, the funerals of the children. “

- President George W. Bush, November 11, 2001

Our enemies have made the mistake that America’s enemies always make. They saw liberty and thought they saw weakness. And now, they see defeat.


- George W. Bush, President of the United States

“Now, we have inscribed a new memory alongside those others. It’s a memory of tragedy and shock, of loss and mourning. But not only of loss and mourning. It’s also a memory of bravery and self-sacrifice, and the love that lays down its life for a friend–even a friend whose name it never knew. “

- President George W. Bush, December 11, 2001

"All of a sudden there were people screaming. I saw people jumping out of the building. Their arms were flailing. I stopped taking pictures and started crying." - NY free-lance photo journalist, Michael Walters

Workers adjust beams for the Tribute in Lights for the tenth anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks Credit: Getty Images

What do you remember, how do you remember?  How we live our lives after is a testament to what we learned.  I hope that those who lost their lives that their sacrifice was not in vain, that we have become a more loving and caring people, that we see someone in need and reach out to them to help.  That we don't allow violence to happen in front of our faces and not put forth a hand to stop it. 

NEVER FORGET, ALWAYS REMEMBER 9/11/01

Shocking 2 Post's in 1 Week

So lately I have been pondering what I am doing here.  It seems like my life is stagnant and not going any where, anytime I pray about it I get the same answer "you need to have patience".  I have been mad, maybe more the mad, angry may be a better term for it.  Not the I smashed my thumb and I can't believe I did that anger, more the What is He thinking?  Does he know how much it hurts to keep carrying on and not want to go to bed and never wake up anymore forever again?  I know he does it just seems like my life is going nowhere and will continue to go nowhere until I do something, which I can't really do, because I need to have patience! 

Thus my venting I apologize, but really what do I have to do to get moving in some direction, preferably in the positive not the negative?  I guess keep praying for strength to survive where ever this will take me.  No wonder why Satan is working overtime. 

Shout out to Laurel who has tried to be my savior 3 times now!  Thanks for all that you do and your listening to the spirit and doing as directed!  You almost caught me twice, I finally gave in the last time THANK YOU!  I just wish I was stronger then I am and that I would keep myself above water like you do, something to look forward to in a better place at a different time. 

So now that I am done venting I guess I will go to bed and keep praying for something to make things better!  Praying for a calmer, nicer, non-angry me!  I know that my family would be happy with anything other then what they have now! 

It's been awhile

So it's been awhile since I have posted, summer has been crazy busy and fun and depressing all in the same sentence.

I went for blood work last week, and my inflammation markers are up 0.2, the exact # they were down last time so that is a bummer of huge proportions.  Oh well I will carry on. 

What have I been up too you ask?  Lots of YW, Family, and Holidays.  All kinds of fun

 Jonathan and his family all decked out in sunglasses

 Baby Pigs at the family reunion

 Can you see the baby bird in the nest?  So cute

 Whitney's birthday cake, she is wearing the hat I gave her for her birthday!

 Young Women playing croquet at my house, it was all kinds of fun

 Kids all lined up to watch fireworks on Pioneer Holiday so cute!

 My brothers the pyromaniacs

 The last hurrah of the fireworks

 Clara and Timmy watching the fireworks

 Young women boating trip to Deer Creek, wake boarding and the girls cheering her on!

 Playing in the water

 Leaders on the tube having fun

 Tube wipe out

I think they are going over!

Well that is how my summer has gone by, quickly I may add!  Here is to cooler weather and fun fall activities and traditions!

Books, books, and more books

So with Vacation and some time to myself I find time to read there has been much time to read, sleep and relax with a good book.  Of course I am sure there are better things out there for me to do but I love to read so here is a list of what I have read lately! 

"If I stay" a short book that will keep you wanting more.  When a girl and her family is involved in a massive car accident, she must decide if she is going to stay....  This book kept me up and reading into the wee hours of the night.  I had to know what was going to happen, it pulled at my heart strings it made me think what I would choose if I had a choice.

Tiger's Quest a 2nd book in a series of books that have kept me on the edge of loving tigers for real.  I always an adventure with a little bit of romance that makes me come back for more and more.  I just wish she could write faster so that I can read the rest of the story.  Kelsey is back home in Oregon and back in school trying hard to forget her Tiger Ren and how much she loved him, but she left him and now she must find happiness and possibly love again, but how can she forget her Ren?  November can't come fast enough. 

Everlasting the final book in The Immortals series was finally closure to a series that started out strong faltered and picked back up.

The 39 Clues book 11.  Life seems like it will be back to normal for Amy and Dan but little do they know they are fighting an enemy from the beginning of their story.  Life will continue to get better and better. 

The Throne of Fire.  A new series from Rick Riordan (The Percy Jackson and the Olympians books).  This is the second book in the Kane Chronicles that are all about Egyptian mythology.  I have learned more about Egypt and the pharaohs and their beliefs then I could have imagined.  A wonderful second book that has been me reading and wondering what will happen next.  A great series to start reading!

Theodore Boone Kid Lawyer The Abduction.  For any of you that enjoy John Grisham's work but can't get through a 700 law book.  These books are for you Theo Boone's is a kid lawyer who helps out his friends and love the law.  Since both his parents are lawyers he is handling schoolyard stuff and loving it.  That is until his friend Amy is abducted and life is turned upside down.  He has to do anything he can to find her and get her back safely.  John Grisham writes delightful kids books that make me want to read more.  I read his first book in the series last year and loved it.  I wasn't aware he was writing another one but this is wonderful and the characters are vibrant and lovely. 

These are just a few things that I have been reading lately.  Have you read something wonderful and profound?  Let me know leave a comment!

The Verdict is in

So I saw the Dr today.  I was excited to see if my lab #'s had improved.  Well the verdict is in and while they are not as good as I would have hoped they are going down maybe slow and steady will be a better approach and outlook.  So my CRP (c reactive protein level that monitors the amount of inflammation in my body) has dropped 0.2.  So it has not dropped the full digit numbers that I and my Dr would like to see but, a dropping level is a good sign, much better then a rising number.  We have not entered the "peak results" phase of my new medicine.  It can take 3-6 months before we see how well the medicine will work.  I have only had 4 shots so we are still early in this process and have time to wait and see.  I feel like we are heading in the right direction and that is a direction I am very interested in.  I pray that Heavenly Father will give me the strength to get through this.  I know that I have been blessed with these trials to give me patience, some thing which I am very much lacking.  I just hope that I can continue to see the beauty of the rain. 

I needed a Vacation

The view from the front porch!

Me and Garrett playing in the ocean

Dad getting the poles in the ocean

Beautiful rough ocean

The view from the back porch

Clara playing in the sand

The beautiful sunset in the garden

So I just got back from a lovely week in Northern California with the family.  We have been visiting there since I was a child.  It is always lovely to have time to rest and relax.  The weather was perfect, 60's and 70's and lots of sunshine.  Unfortunately the ocean was not perfect by any means.  It was rough and unfishable for most of the week.  We only got out 2 days and only were able to keep 2 fish.  That part was disappointing but everything else was wonderful and made up for it.  We stayed a beautiful rental home and went to the beach and went and saw the Giant Redwoods, we went shopping in Mendocino and Fort Bragg.  I found a few lovely things to buy and overall it was a wonderful and relaxing. 

Cross your finger, say a little prayer, cross your fingers.....

So today I went in for my blood draw, a pretty routine thing every 6-8 wks.  I did put this off more then the 8 wks because of the new shots that I am on.  Now I am not one to like giving myself injections and the medicine burns quite a bit, so I make the NP that I work for give it to me.  That will be a problem next week when I am on vacation.  Mom has offered to help me do it, I think I can trust her.  So normally blood work is a breeze, I go in, I don't have to check in due to new "Express Passes" and then I wait for the lab lady.  Today I was super nervous so I put it off until 5:30pm.  I guess I should go earlier, the late lab lady poked me twice and got someone else, who then asked for my advice and actually took it.  So that is 3 pokes for blood today, hope I don't bruise too bad.  I am crossing my fingers that my inflammation factor has gone down.  It would be a good indication that things are looking up and that the 10,000 a month shots are working.  This could be a bit premature though the Dr said it could take 6 months for me to start feeling the effects and have a change in my blood work.  So here is to lower inflammation factors and not getting sick (so far) and 3 pokes for blood.  I will let you know when I know.  Life is looking up in general as I leave for vacation in a few days!

Sunday's Angels

Don't you just love going to church and Sunday's?  I know I do, I feel like I get so much especially in times like now that I am struggling to deal with my new stuff.  I kept praying for angels since Wednesday, and guess what, I got angel's yesterday.  In a kind word, a spontaneous hug, a quick thank you and inspired lessons and discussions.  Then I go to family dinner at grandma's and we have a great discussion and I start to feel better about everything that is going on.  Then off to bed, where I crack open my scriptures and bam, it's right there in front of my face again. I am loved by so many people and so many people keep me walking forward, one foot in front of another!  I am so grateful to all my earthly angels for keeping me smiling and focused on the positive energy so it's easier to hear my Heavenly Father when he is whispering to me, but my crying, and tears have washed out the whispering.  Thank you all!  May God continue to bless me and those around me to feel like your affliction shall be but a moment. 

Books and their effect on my brain!

So lately I have had a hard time dealing with what is on my plate.  Last weekend my mom and me ended up at my very favorite store Barnes and Noble.  I bought a whole bunch of new books.  I know when I am feeling really down and blue that a trip to the book store always makes my day brighter, and it definitely did last weekend.  I tend to notice that the more I spend on books the more depressed I have been, so when I spent well over $100 I knew I must have really needed to decompress.  At the time I didn't know how trying this week would be so I think my spirit must have had an idea of what was going to happen.  This week as I was trying to come to grips with new information and change I started reading to escape what had been going on in my life.  Almost like running away for a weekend but not spending money.  I have stayed up late 2 nights in a row finishing 2 books by the same author.  Now I can't remember her name, I will have to google it.  The two books I read were The Girl Who Chased the Moon, and The Peach Keepers.  Written by Sarah Addison Allen.  They were fantastic, cute, nice escape books.  She write about small Southern towns and people.  Very entertaining and lovely.  If anyone would like to borrow let me know.  They have definitely given me the little bit of escape that I really needed this week. 

This morning I got up and went to the Temple with the girls from our YW to do baptisms.  We didn't need 2 leaders to drive so Sister Lambert picked me up and we picked up the girls.  What a wonderful experience, it never ceases to amaze me the peace and reassurance that you feel in the temple, even if you are only waiting for other people.  I know that Heavenly Father has blessed me tremendously in seeing what was ahead and inspiring the bishop to ask me to serve in the temple on Wednesday mornings.  It really has been my saving grace.

I also found a new fun church blog done by a Seminary Teacher, she talked about keeping a scripture journal and as you are reading the scriptures writing down everything that comes into your mind and your thought and feelings.  I started doing that and starting reading the Book of Mormon again and this week has been super wonderful.  It take a lot of time to write down what you are thinking as you read, but it has been quite wonderful.

So Sorry

So lately my blog has become whiner central, and for that I apologize.  I have had a rough couple of months and still am, but I will try to save those whiny moments for myself.  I really do do other things.  Lately I have been reading.  In fact I just finished another book this week it was Unbroken, about a man and his life growing up and surviving some amazing experiences during WWII.  His plane went down and he survived on a raft for 47 days with no food or water (except what he found and made work).  I was fascinated, what a story of survival things only went on to get worse.  Let me know if you would like to borrow, it is wonderful.  I also finished a story a couple of weeks ago called I Am Asher Lev.  This is a story of a Jewish boy and his struggle with his religion and his life.  He was an artist and this brought so much pain and hurt to him and his family and his struggle with life.  I am now reading a Newberry award winner called Moon over Manifest about a girl that is sent to a town in the middle of the depression while her dad is off working and her adventures of finding out about her dad and how he was as a child.  When I finish that I am going to read a manuscript of a friend that want feed back on a young adult book they have been writing.  So that should be interesting.  I am hanging in there, hope you all are doing well! 

Snow Day

As the big flakes of snow gently fall from the sky, I have been at peace.   I think finally my meds are helping, but I was just diagnosed with a sinus infection, which means I can't take my meds until I have been cleared from infection for 3 wks.  So I feel like we are starting over again.  I try to get it to be two weeks, but I was given a stern talking to by the nurse.  So just as I am beginning to feel better, it will all go away.  I am OK with that.  Because the snow is so beautiful and the quiet so complete, I am complete at least for now. 

Why today, why now?

As the rain patters on the windows and I close my yawning mouth, I am wondering why today has been so great, there were times today that I felt all alone, that the pain and the pressure of being "old" is wearing on me.  That fact that I am not married and not close to being married (this all in a culture that preaches marriage and family), yet so want to be married and have a family.  It is this thought that has tears streaming down my face.  I know I need to be patient, but how long is that going to be?  I feel like the kid in the back of the car who keeps asking how much longer, are we there yet?  How many more minutes until we reach our destination.  How many more minutes of crying and weeping must I endure.  Then I started thinking about what has been all over the news lately, and more and more I realize that I might just be seeing the Savior come, and am I ready?  Am I prepared?  Am I worthy?  So many questions so little time....

Wonderful Wednesday's

So as I may have mentioned I started working in the Temple on Wednesday's in the morning.  The shift goes from 5:30 am to 12 noon.  It has been a great blessing so far.  This week on my "schedule" as you rotate through different things I was a "sealing patron".  Me being new to the whole temple thing didn't know what that meant.  I was super nervous and exciting.  I made my way to 3rd floor of the temple and dressed.  What a wonderful experience.  I was overcome with the spirit and even just reliving this experience right now I am in tears.  May of you know that the spirit is directly related to my tear ducts.  Well sitting there in the sealing room on Wednesday I reflected on my life and where I thought it would go and where it has gone.  The sealer stopped and shared so insight from President Faust which was moving and as we began ordinances again I tried to concentrate on the names and had a prayer in my heart that they would understand what we were doing for them.  At one point at the start of an ordinance I was overcome with the spirit and felt like we were surrounded by those for whom we were preforming the ordinance.  The sealer was overwhelmed and as tears streamed down his face and mine, I knew that family was there.  That they had been waiting, that they were prepared and that joy was breath taking.  I am so thankful for the opportunity that I have to serve in this capacity.  What a wonderful blessing!

Life is looking up

Ok so life is looking up.  Or maybe it is that I am looking up.  I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  The sunshine, the blue sky, who knows, what has changed, only that I don't think I can keep feeling terrible forever!   Oh well I will run with it!

Another Day another crisis

Do you ever just wish the crisis's would end?  Work crisis, health crisis, church issues, friend issues?  I really need to get a break here, but today it has all come to a head.

Got to work early to try to get ready for the day before the interviews came, didn't really happen.  We did interviews and went late.  Got back to work with 5 people sitting in my lobby upset that I made them wait, hurry got them in and ran off the the Dr's appt, my heart rate not so good when I get there, trying to decide what to do about it, Dr gets paged from the ER (he is on call today).  Listen to him talk with the ER Dr for 20 minutes trying to figure out what is wrong with poor lady in the ER.  He focuses his attention on me again to be interrupted by the ER again.  Getting back to the heart rate we discuss what to do, add meds, live with it, etc....  He wants to start med specific "beta blocker"  I can't take that because of asthma, he looks it up, thinks it "may be ok", ask him to call pulm Dr, he says maybe not...  Do surgery???  Live with it????  We make a decision and then move on.  Run back to work desk is stacked with paperwork (where did that all come from)?  Run around all day help Pt's, boos says can you believe it's 6pm?  Freak out, people are coming to my house at 7 and it's 6:15.  Tell my boss I have to go, no options.  Pile everything up throw it in a drawer and run out, I have 3 messages on the cell.  Listen to them, issues with YW tonight (the thing at my house at 7).  Call her back figure it out, call mom to see if someone is home, can't reach anyone, start to freak out, call cell # no answer, call Dad, he is home, call person back tell them to come.  Get other messages.  Friend having a crisis, needs help right away, other Dr's office called they need to talk to me (good bad????)  call back they are gone for the day, call friend tell her I will come over after thing at my house. 
Thing at the house, turns out ok, not great, but who really cares, clean up kick people out etc....  Leave for friends house, OMG I am out of gas, stop for gas, OMG it went up 25 cents from this morning!  Call friend leave a message I am on my way, fill up, get on freeway, get a text, get off freeway, friend says don't come, text her back, turn around go home.  Friend texts back, pull over, read text, still head home, get call from friend, pull over, she wants me to come back, turn around head back to her house, drop stuff off, help her with the issue, make her promise to call first thing make sure she is ok.  Turn around come back home, mail is spilling out of the mail box, get the mail, pull up the email send email, tell her I am thinking about her, that i love her.  Go through mail, get card from other friend, she is wonderful, not sure how I would have made it through the day with everything, she is beyond wonderful, inspired.  Type this way to long narrative and them I am going to bed.  Hope I wasn't too boring, my life is out of control, I need for something to go right for a change, tomorrow is a day that I have that possibility.  Pray for my friend in crisis, she needs it way more then I do!  Peace out, good night!

Busy Bee

So today I started working in the Temple.  I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw-up, but guess what everything was fine!  In fact I am sure this will be a wonderful experience!  I am happy to be serving the Lord in another capacity!  When I was set apart I was given some pretty spectacular promises, it was a wonderful thing.  In the meeting with President Christensen he spoke of wounds unseen, I feel like I have been dealing with so many of these that it has been hard to be real to myself.  I know that things will get better, that I must learn to have more patience.  Hope everyone is doing well! 

I just posted on my family blog, so I decided to post it here as well, you should all get most of it, if not just laugh at me, it's ok! 

PLEASE READ PARAGRAPH 4, I NEED HELP WITH IDEAS TO SPEAK IN SACRAMENT ABOUT!  Please leave a comment and help me out!

My life has been super crazy lately and it has been awhile since I have gotten on. Yes I agree this should be the Becky and Lana exchange stories, etc... Blog. Life here in Utah has been pretty dang cold as of lately. For several days early this week it did not get above 20 degree's. Needless to say my walk into the hospital has been super cold as we have to park out in the north 40.
My life has been all over the map lately. My arthritis has been super bad lately that another stress dose of prednisone was needed to allow me to bend my arm. I started a new medication that has a list of really scary side effects but hopefully it helps. This medication is generic so it's cheap, the next medication is $2000 a month so I am hoping we don't have to go there. But the nausea, sores in my mouth and my hair falling out is starting to kind of freak me out. We just doubled the medicine that I have to take to counter act the side effects, so maybe that will help, it will be another couple of weeks before we find out if things are working or not.
I am loving my job, my boss is great, my patients and their families are great. We just had a major change so I think everything will now fall into place. I love the fact that the cute old people are in need of a person who cares and will listen to them. Their stories are fascinating and wonderful. Their courage and determination inspired me to no end. Oh the places you will go the things you will do, the people you will meet! Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!

I am still in Young Women's and loving every minute of it. The girls are wonderful and so caring. They are full of energy and love and I love them so much. It is so much fun to see them get older and wiser and move on to better things. I just accepted an assignment to work in the temple on Wed mornings. I am excited but a little nervous about things, but I am sure it will be wonderful! I was asked to talk in Sacrament meeting in a couple of weeks, which I really don't like doing, but I must need to. Anyone with advise on speaking on The proclamation to the World on the family, please send ideas my way.
Travel plans so far this year are a week in northern California salmon fishing with my family, we are renting a house right by the beach and it should be a great adventure for all of us. I then am going to spend a week driving up the Oregon coast with a friend (that is still in the planning phase so hopefully it will turn out). I plan on spending a few days in AZ visiting my grandma and grandpa wood. Girls camp is in August, family reunion over Labor day weekend. I am sure a couple other fun things are to come as well.
I really miss you all in Florida. I occasionally have dreams that I am there to visit. I am hoping that happens maybe next year, we will see. Spring time sounds nice for a warm weather get away.
How are thing with the family? Kids still doing well? Bethany, Jake? I heard Megan had her baby and he is cute (according to LaNece). Several of my friends are expecting and I am super excited for them. I feel like I am writing a book, so I will finish and be done for another little bit.
Keep in touch, I miss you all and love our family not matter how far away, I am sending my love and prayer and thoughts your way! May the Lord bless and keep you safe until we meet again!